House Arrested: The show that takes place in a house where all the
tenants are sociopathic criminals under house arrest being watched over by the stern Officer Karp.
SCENE 1 - INT - KITCHEN TABLE
An officer is sitting at a kitchen table with 5 men, all of them have on blinking ankle monitors. Andre (a large black man), Conrad (Caucasian tall, tattooed), Gordon (Caucasian, glasses), Benjamin (Caucasian, typical guy next door look) and Jeremy (creepy, weird).
OFFICER KARP
Which one of you perverts posted a picture of your dick and balls in an adult chatroom yesterday?
No one speaks up.
OFFICER KARP
It's a violation of your parole, I am within my authority to have that person removed from this house and placed back into the provincial prison system. Somebody better step forward and save me an investigation. Benjamin?
BENJAMIN
What, I am your first suspect in a dick pic scandal? That sucks.
OFFICER KARP
Your account is the only one I saw logged onto the house computer last night.
BENJAMIN
Yeah but I wasn't the only one using the computer, everyone kept stealing it. Conrad and Gordon stole it every time I went to the washroom and I when went to make myself a sandwich Andre sat down and started a movie on it.
ANDRE
Don't tattle.
BENJAMIN
You watched Braveheart Andre, it was 3 hours long. I was talking to my family.
OFFICER KARP
Where was Jeremy while all this was going on?
BENJAMIN
I don't know. He was skulking around sort of. In the background. I really try to keep as far from him as I can.
Jeremy doesn't react much, something is off in the way he stares at Benjamin. He doesn't say anything.
OFFICER KARP
Conrad, do you have any idea where this picture might have come from?
Conrad is seated to the left of the frame, Andre is seated to the right on him followed by Benjamin and Jeremy. Andre is large in the frame, there's something off about Jeremy; there always is.
CONRAD
No but if the dick's black I can probably guess who's it is.
ANDRE
I know; right? It's not me, if it was me he'd know it was me and we wouldn't be having this meeting.
OFFICER KARP
Andre you can be excused from this meeting.
ANDRE
No I want to find out who did it.
GORDON
Why don't you let me see the picture and I'll tell you who's it is?
CONRAD
What the fuck Gordon?
ANDRE
How do you know what our dicks look like?
GORDON
It can't be that hard to tell our dicks apart. I feel like if I had to I could match a dick to it's face.
BENJAMIN
This conversation's getting a bit weird fellas.
OFFICER KARP
For the sake of the individual's privacy I won't be showing any of you the picture in question. Jeremy you're being awfully quiet.
CONRAD
Don't ruin that.
ANDRE
Don't get Jeremy talking, we don't need him for this.
OFFICER KARP
Jeremy?
Jeremy stands up and pulls his pants down, exposing himself.
OFFICER KARP
Jesus Jeremy, pull your pants up.
CONRAD
Stop involving him in things.
GORDON
It looked exactly how I thought it would.
CONT'D...
