TOM TRIES MODELING

I hate having my picture taken. I hate having my picture taken more than just about anything in this world. I know that when I see that picture it's going to ruin my day, I know that I am going to pull some stupid 'derp' face and look ugly. I can't help it.

Can someone please pass the derp?

Recently though I was invited to try modelling for a friend who promised she'd be patient and make me feel comfortable enough to open up to the camera. She said she thought I would make a really good model...she was wrong. We took about 40 shots, 38 of them were...what's the word?

derp?

And two of them were surprisingly usable. Ladies and gentlem...actually just ladies, my modeling debut and finale:

Anyway so I did that. I also had to re-write and re-format three scripts and a pitch package for my show idea 'DOPE' which I am now actively shopping.

DOPE by Thomas Holler

DOPE – The Department of Paranormal Events is the low level branch of the provincial government where Investigations and Removals specialists ROONEY, ERVIN and RANDAL are pitted up against ghosts, goblins, demons, vampires, zombies and more ghosts all for less pay than the city gives to their average parking enforcement officer.

DOPE is a story about a lower level branch of the provincial government dedicated to protecting the public against paranormal pests. It’s about a group of ghost exterminators trained in haunting investigations, possessions, vampirification and zombification cases, hobgoblin removal and anything else their miserable supervisor Mr. Dickmeyer demands of them. ROONEY, ERVIN and RANDAL find themselves in life threatening situations almost every day, facing off against creatures thousands of times more dangerous than anything your typical exterminator can imagine. Because the debate about the existence of the paranormal will always be ongoing with many people still unconvinced skeptics; the Department of Paranormal Events is the least funded branch of the government; meaning our guys are risking their lives for a little under $25,000 a year.

 And I worked on some re-shoots for this short film we've been working on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WN29ceMh_QI

By the end of the year I want to have two fully developed and written treatments/scripts for two very different and marketable shows.

-APE-

Tom Makes A Youtube Comment

I've started making youtube comments on videos. Here's a sample of my work:

 

Tom's Writing A Horror, Action, Workplace Comedy Show

Here's what I've been working on recently. I have a show I wrote called DOPE that's a cross between Ghostbusters and the X-Files, I already wrote up a full pitch package along with a pilot episode and now I just spent some time re-writing and finishing the second episode for the series. 

DOPE – The Department of Paranormal Events is the low level branch of the provincial government where Investigations and Removals specialists Rooney, Ervin and Randal are pitted up against ghosts, goblins, demons, vampires, zombies and more ghosts all for less pay than the city gives to their average parking enforcement officer. 

DOPE is a story about a lower level branch of the provincial government dedicated to protecting the public against paranormal pests. It’s about a group of ghost exterminators trained in haunting investigations, possessions, vampirification and zombification cases, hobgoblin removal and anything else their miserable supervisor Mr. Dickmeyer demands of them. Rooney, Ervin and Randal find themselves in life threatening situations almost every day, facing off against creatures thousands of times more dangerous than anything your typical exterminator can imagine. Because the debate about the existence of the paranormal will always be ongoing with many people still unconvinced skeptics; the Department of Paranormal Events is the least funded branch of the government; meaning our guys are risking their lives for a little under $25,000 a year. 

DOPE Episode 2: Vampires - Rooney, Ervin and Randall are chased into a small cabin by a pack of vampires and Randall has been bitten. They can hold up until sunset when the vampires would retreat but if they wait that long then Randall will die and become one of them. He needs the vampire virus cure which is in the standard DOPE medical kit in their car and he needs it ASAP.

Rooney and Randall risk certain death at the hands of a ravenous pack of wild vampires. Electing to save Randal; Ervin constructs a plan to draw the attention of the vampires from within the cabin allowing Rooney to escape out back. Rooney has to race through a kilometer of vampire territory at night to find their car and get it back to Ervin who was left to fortify and protect the cabin from a pack of strong and frenzied vampires who are determined to tear their way inside where Randall lays helpless and dying on the floor; bound to turn into a deadly vampire himself at any minute.

EXT – Forest/Night

Rooney, Ervin and Randal are running through a forest towards a lonely, secluded little cabin. It's in a dilapidated condition, all three men are panicked and show signs of a struggle. Randall is wearing a blood soaked rag around his arm.

Rooney runs right up to the house and slams himself hard against the door, bouncing off and hurting himself, a beat later Ervin smashes through the front door. Rooney runs inside. Randall stumbles up to the door and almost passes out right at the doorway, Ervin catches him and pulls him in, Rooney slams the door and presses his body up against it.

Rooney

WHY DID YOU BRING RANDAL?

Ervin

I didn't know there would be that many!

Randall

Dammit Rooney I can take care of myself.

Rooney

You got BIT Randal

Randal's arm has been bitten, it's gruesome.

The inhuman sound of shrieking can be heard getting louder and louder, closer and closer. Ervin inspects Randall's bite.

Ervin

We have to get this treated immediately, the infection has already started.

Randall

Can we cure me before I turn into one of them?

Ervin takes a small plastic package out of his pocket and tears it open. It’s a syringe. He gives Randal a shot.

Ervin

I am going to give you a shot of anti-venom, it’ll help slow the spread of the virus but it’s not a cure. We need to get him to a hospital asap or he’ll turn.

Rooney

If we go outside, we DIE!

Ervin

If we stay here HE dies.

Rooney presses a button on his shoulder mounted radio.

Rooney

DOPE this is Rooney, I need assistance. My team and I were assigned to a vampire removal but there were WAY more than you said there’d be. Randal got bit! We need -

A voice comes over the radio, it's automated.

Voice on the radio

'Due to a high number of calls your request has been put in priority sequence, please wait for the next available operator.'

The three men share a look.

Ervin

How many are there?

Rooney looks out the window of the small cabin, as far as he can see there are zombie-like vampires pouring out of the woods towards the cabin. The sheer number of the vampire force makes Rooney's face go white.

Rooney

Lots.

Fadeout. Title. 

Cont'd...

Pimples.

Zits are the worst. At this age when you have a pizza face people don't excuse it as puberty or something temporary and forgivable. When you're over the age of 30 and you're walking around with a forehead full of oily, red eyesores people just think you're gross. Like you have some condition that will keep you pimply forever, you may as well dress them up in little tuxedos because the only thing anyone is going to see when they look at you are your zits. Of course that's not entirely true, we all know that pimples usually go away in a few days and there are some really effective medicines out there but when you actually have a monster pimple you have a tendency to over exaggerate how devastating it is to your life.

I am trying to come up with some pieces of 'copy' to use in a copy writing portfolio. Little ad campaign write ups. It occurs to me that I can probably come up with a funny acne cream campaign using the humor found in how over the top people go when they're complaining about having a pimple.

I'll probably expand the idea that zits are the ultimate annoyance and those afflicted with them would give anything for a remedy that actually works. Just look at these real life texts that I sent to my friends this week after discovering that the landscape of my forehead was suddenly very mountainous.

 

Do you hear that guy? That's a guy who would have paid anything for an acne treatment that would make those little a**holes vanish, giving him his face back.

Getting your face back will be the theme of my advertising message:

"Don't panic. Clearasil® Daily Clear® Vanishing Acne Treatment Cream has an acne-fighting formula strong enough to help you take back your face. Regular and continuous treatments can help defend against breakouts, so you can enjoy clearer skin all day, every day.

Clearasil® Daily Clear® Vanishing Acne Treatment Cream. Defeat the zits!"

APE MONOLOGUES: I HATE CEO's

So I've been tinkering with writing monologues and I decided that I would go ahead and actually shoot some. I wrote this monologue for a friend who isn't an actor but I tailored the script to suit his voice and chose subject matter that speaks to him. We played with it, messed around with it, drank, here it is.

Here's the original monologue that we spun from:

I've lost the faith. I was lied to, I grew up being told that if you work hard and stay on the right path you can do anything. That's not true. I went to school, I worked hard all my life and you know what I was rewarded with? Lay offs. After 5 years of loyal service my company told me they were going to have to lay me off to cut costs. I said "What costs? You pay me close to minimum wage". You want to cut costs start chopping the off the heads of those vampires, those bloated leeches at the top who feed off the blood and sweat of those at the bottom. You have a guy up top who's paid $10 million who can literally be replaced by a weekly managers meeting and instead you'd rather cut 400 of us, hard working people before you'd dare get rid of him. Why are CEO's so untouchable? If the company is doing so poorly that you have to lay me and all my friends off then you have to ask yourself, is this a**hole worth his salary? The salary of 400 men? Why do we place such value on these lily white, yes men. These swindling hotshots who've convinced these companies that they're irreplaceable. No one's irreplaceable. We aren't talking about Lebron James or Usain Bolt, these aren't rare specimens of men who only come around once in a lifetime. These are average men who have tricked the whole world into thinking they're smarter than they really are, and now I am the one who has to pay for their stupidity. I've lost the faith. I am done working for these types of men. I am through with working for someone else, someone who reaps all the benefits of my hard work. Maybe I'll be a prostitute, I mean...if I am going to get f**ked everyday I may as well get paid for it.

A**hole

Wolverine Making a Sandwich, Manly Bubble Baths and Beard Stubble So Strong It Can Strip Paint

Remember this image, it'll make sense later

I've had the girliest night for the manliest of reasons. If someone were to have been watching me for the last couple hours they would rightly so be questioning my manhood. So far I've had a nice bubble bath and then curled up with a big tub of yogurt and almonds and watched every episode of Total Divas.

MY REASONS:

Ok; first off there's nothing sensual about my tub, it's gross and I hate my bathroom. I made myself a nice warm bath because my back muscles hurt and I knew it would feel like heaven, I had every right to add bubbles and I don't feel like I have to explain myself to you. Did I enjoy it? Yes. I work out a lot and my rippling muscles get sore, ladies you can understand that. I will say this about baths, when I was finished my bath I felt the need for a shower. Bath water is like this disgusting bodily soup that you're just marinating in, it's gross.

The yogurt and almonds aren't comfort food to me, quite the opposite. I am trying to gain weight but I have such a small appetite, I am never that hungry. I can get by just fine on two meals a day and maybe one snack, when you're 6'4 and trying to add muscle that's just not enough. I should be eating like 4-5 meals a day. Sometimes I have to force feed myself, that means I am jamming on almonds and yogurt without enjoying it. I love yogurt, I love almonds, mix 'em up and it makes for a great little snack but not an hour after you just had a big chicken dinner. I know trying to lose weight must suck but trying to gain it isn't any picnic either.

Finally, why did I invest 2 hours of my life in an E! Network reality show about the lives of WWE Divas? This is why:

and she has a twin

Anyway, as a writer I am interested in learning to write copy. Copy is an advertising term, it's the text or the initial written idea for whatever you're trying to market. I am screwing around with writing up mock advertising campaigns for different products. Today I am trying to come up with a campaign and commercial for Gillette shaving products.

Gillette - 'For Even the Toughest Shaves"

The ad campaign's goal is to spotlight how Gillette shaving products will smoothly glide through even the grizzliest of men's beards as easily as Wolverine's claws cut through butter when he's making himself a sandwich. To illustrate the point this campaign will spotlight some improbably tough beards being cleanly shaven, comedic exaggerations of how stubbly a beard can be. Stubble so tough you could scale a fish with it. Stubble so sharp and strong that it shreds apart your pillow each night. We'll show stubble so prickly that you could use it to shred stolen credit cards being effortlessly shaved away without any irritation using Gillette products.

In my commercial we see a man in a parking lot get attacked by a mugger, the man has nothing to defend himself with except his stubbly, razor sharp beard.

Gillette: Even the Toughest Shaves. 30 Second Internet/TV Commercial

VIDEO	AUDIO
INTERIOR/PARKING LOT/NIGHT: A man is walking through a lonely parking lot, it’s dark and frightening. He’s tense as he walks to his car.	Echoing footsteps, ominous music
Wide: As he passes a row of cars a figure appears behind him and starts to follow him	Two sets of echoing footsteps, chase music
He picks up his pace, eventually leading to him running full speed for his car, he doesn’t look back.	Tense music
Finally he’s at his car, he fumbles for his keys nervously. Suddenly he’s grabbed from behind. He drops his keys.	Sound of keys jingling and falling, two men struggling.
The two men wrestle
CLOSE UP: The man has been grabbed by someone, he’s totally unarmed. He looks around for something to defend himself with but finds nothing. Thinking quickly he instinctively defends himself with the one thing he has, his freakishly scratchy stubble. He slaps his cheek against his attacker’s cheek and pulls backwards, scraping his beard along the attacker’s skin. The attacker falls back in agony and runs off, the man is left alone to collect himself. He runs his fingers along his beard and gives a look that says “oh wow, I didn’t realize my stubble has gotten this bad. Eww, I need a shave”	Wrestling, exciting music A man’s voice shouting out in pain
INTERIOR/WASHROOM SINK: Back at home the man is using The Gillette® Fusion® ProGlide™ Power Razor, to shave away his unruly stubble, revealing a soft; smiling face underneath.	(V.O) The Gillette® Fusion® ProGlide™ Power Razor is Gillette’s most advanced blade ever**. Thinner, finer blades give you an effortless low-resistance glide through even the toughest hair with less tug and pull. Gillette, for even the toughest shaves.